The “IT’S NOT ALL MEN” phrase.
“It is not all men but it’s always a man”
The reason it’s problematic when men say “it’s not all men” is because,they attempt to exonerate themselves first rather than attend or listen to the victim.One thing I always say is that “it is not about one man in particular or his character as a person but men as a gender”so,listen and empathize before you argue or try to prove a point.
The phrase “it’s not all men” is so self-centered and is an attempt to deflect attention away men in topics like sexual assault, domestic violence,abuse and other feminist issues.And yes,this phrase benefits all men to the detriment of women because the men who aren’t raping and abusing women are quiet because they don’t do it so they think they are exempted and it’s not their fight.These men have normalized not holding one another accountable instead,they normalize collective self-centered inaction.
If it’s not all men like men claim,what are the supposed good men doing about it?? Are they lending their voice to criticize the men doing this?? Are they holding other men accountable?? Are they calling for the persecution of evil men who commit the atrocities?? NO! I’ll tell you what they are doing..they are quiet,they are watching from the sidelines,they do not care because they think that they are good men and they don’t rape women so it dosent necessarily concern them and if push comes to shove,they protect the rapists,they make excuses for them and go ahead to blame the woman and even shame her.
Men think it is in-built in men to RAPE.Which is why you hear them say things like “why did she go to his house?? What was she wearing?? Why did she go to the party?? Why did she drink alcohol?? She’s a prostitute” As though any of these signs her off for rape or mean consent even. Instead of men to hold themselves accountable,they make excuses for rapists yet they say “it’s not all men”
Yes,it is not all men.Not all men have raped or assaulted women.But the important question remains “what are they doing exactly??” The men that don’t rape women,what are their stance when the topic is being discussed in private and in public??They make rape jokes,laugh when their friends tell tales on how they assaulted a woman,stay quiet and not in support of women when need be.You are infact an accomplice,your quietness is a sign and a response.You are just as terrible as the rapist here,both cut from the same cloth.
A man said to me “it is first your duty to keep yourself safe and take precautions” and I asked him…”how about the children that get raped?? How about the physically challenged/disabled?? How about the daughters that get raped by their fathers?? Mirabel was raped inside her apartment and she’s one of the many cases,her case is not new.And you tell me about to keep myself safe and take precautions!!! What other precautions was Mirabel meant to take?? You said don’t go for a party or you’ll get raped,don’t go to his house or you’ll get raped.She was literally inside her own apartment.Instead of holding a fellow man accountable,men keep trying to raise baseless arguments.Dress properly,wear a long gown,don’t go out at night,don’t attend parties,don’t go to his house,don’t go to a hotel with him,don’t follow a rich man.When does it really end?? Is it so difficult to understand that women have full autonomy over themselves?? We are human beings just like you.I don’t see where tons of rules are laid out for men on how to operate life but for a woman,it’s completely different which makes this GENDER BASED!
I don’t see a man walking at night and he’s scared that a woman can rape him or a man at a party drinking alcohol and is scared that he’d get raped by a woman or even a man inside his house who is scared of rape.If anything,a man walking alone at night is scared that his fellow man would jump him and rob or kill him.A man drinking alcohol at a party is scared that his fellow man would rob him or drug him( it’s no news that their envious friends drug them) A man in his house is scared that his fellow man would rob him and in a case where robbers get into his house,they’ll cart away with things and let him be.But it’s a totally different story when it comes to women. EVEN MEN ARE AFRAID OF MEN BUT “IT’S NOT ALL MEN”!
A man leaving his house in the morning isn’t scared that he’d get assaulted but the girl child lives in fear.From the Landlord who forcefully wants to have his way with her to the bus conductor who will call her “ashawo” for no warranted reason to the male passenger on the bus who would try to touch her breast or even show her his private part to a random man who will touch her bum when she’s walking(whether at the market or not) to her boss at the office and when she’s on her way home at night,she’s scared,she’s hoping she gets home in time and that her street is not so empty so she can feel a little safe and she eventually gets into her home and have to sleep with one eye open because yes,women get raped even in the comfort of their homes.Women go through different forms f assault each day from men.This is clearly gender based!
Men,you’d think this dosent concern you but look around you,there are women who you cherish,your mom,your daughter,your friend,your sister.They could be a victim and no,you cannot always protect them..incase that is what you are thinking.8 out of every 10 women have faced a form of assault sometimes more than one time even.And instead of trying to gaslight women or try to prove that you are not part of the men,it’s best you hold your gender deeply accountable.Because until that happens,we’ll begin to speak on this subject matter based of gender and yes indeed,IT IS ALL MEN!
For further examples,if I get a box of Oranges,let’s say it’s 100 in a box and about 50 is completely rotten and an additional 20 is half good and half rotten,I can categorically say that I got a box of bad Oranges..I wouldn’t be wrong for saying that.Now,input this in the men form!
Children get raped,fathers rape their daughters.So many married women have come out to say their children were abused and tampered with(children between 3 months and 15 years) The disabled women get raped,a mad woman on the road gets pregnant by a sane man.Women get raped in their homes,women are assaulted each day,women get raped in church,school teachers assault children.Even dead bodies of women get assaulted.And you don’t see the common denominator in these?? It is all done by a man! Women protect themselves the best way they can but that is still not enough.
And until the supposed good men start speaking up,support the movement and call out the rapists,they will all be classified as one. IT IS INDEED ALL MEN UNTIL YOU TAKE A STANCE AND LOUDLY EXONERATE YOURSELF!
NO MEANS NO! CONSENT IS NEEDED AND CAN BE TAKEN BACK AT ANYTIME!
I’ll be writing an article next on GBV (Gender Based Violence) which is clearly intertwined with this article on rape.